


Out Of Control

by maria_soederberg



Category: The Elementalists (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-03-08 01:21:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18885241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maria_soederberg/pseuds/maria_soederberg
Summary: Esther lost control over her power and hurt one person she never wanted to hurt. Now she hides and feels like a monster, can Beckett help her?





	Out Of Control

**Author's Note:**

> Main Character's Name: Esther Pinot
> 
> Reading Time: ~ 18 minutes

Controlling the power – that is what Atlas and Esther have to do now, but it isn’t easy because of their argument.  
Atlas who feels hurt and disappointed by their mother doesn’t want to hear anything from her anymore, she left them and never cared for them at all. She didn’t even care that Atlas and Esther were in danger while fighting Raife. If her mother was alive and cared for them, she should have fought along with them, save them but she didn’t instead she let Atlas and Esther believe she is dead.

But Esther, besides all the things her mother did or rather not, she is curious about her. She wonders who she is and where Esther comes from. She just wants to know their relatives. Of course, Esther understands Atlas. Atlas had a worse childhood than Esther. Atlas had to fight her way through life, learn spells on her own without help while Esther did not know about any of her attunements. She had a calm childhood and had never been afraid of anything, there were no threats.

But Esther doesn’t understand why Atlas can’t see her point of view. Instead, she is mad at her, and it hurts Esther, it makes her feel furious why she won’t understand it. And the combination of having arguments with Atlas which makes her furious and the problem of controlling her power was too much to handle. And Esther did lose her temper, she lost control and hurt Atlas in a way she never wanted it.

 

_“What have you done?”_

 

Atlas voice echoes in Esther’s mind, over and over again. She can’t forget the face Atlas had when she was bleeding. When Esther used blood magick and hit Atlas on her side. Atlas was hurt, she instantly was pale, and all Esther could do was watch in horror how her sister lost every sign of life. The realisation of what Esther is capable of, it was something Esther never thought. When Atlas was mad, she just used Fire or Water magick, but Esther lost her temper and used Blood Magick, one of the highest magick, one of the most dangerous magick you could ever use.

 

_“Esther... How could you?”_

 

It was not her intention to her hurt Atlas like this. She was happy when she has found Atlas, and knowing she is Esther’s twin? It was everything Esther ever wanted. It was sad growing up basically alone without any siblings, and now she had one and she destroyed it. She hurt the person she never wanted to hurt, what if she hurts more people? What if she loses control like this again? Alma and Professor Swan will do everything in their power to help Atlas, but Esther isolates herself. Her friends notice that, especially Beckett.

 

Beckett and Esther just had a wonderful and sensual moment in the cave of the mermaid world. It was beautiful and they were so happy, but since the incident that happened afterwards with Atlas, Esther is not around at all.

Whenever Beckett meets up with Griffin, Shreya, Zeph and Aster, he hopes Esther will be there, but she isn’t.

Even during class, the Professor is worried about Esther, she should be around, but she is not. She is not attending any of the courses, it like she vanished from the world completely, you could almost say, it like Esther never came to Penderghast and it was just an illusion everyone had.

After another course she had not to attend, Beckett was worried. He knew it is about the incident with Atlas, but Esther has to stop blaming herself for what had happened.

Shreya, Zeph, Griffin and Beckett walk over to their dorm and knock at the door of Esther in the hope she will open the door, but she is not doing it.

“Esther, come on. You can’t hide in there forever.” Beckett says gently.

No response. The friends slowly wonder if she is even there. If there aren’t any noises coming from her phone, they wouldn’t know she is there. She is listening to music they can hear that, but they just want to hear her voice, to know she is fine.

Beckett looks over to Zeph, Shreya and Griffin, telling them to leave them alone for a second, he just wants to talk with her alone. He is not using any words, only his eyes, but the friends understand and walk away, leaving Beckett alone with the one he fell in love with, unexpectedly but great.

“Esther… baby, please. Let me in.” Beckett almost whispers, leaning his forehead against the door.

“Go away, Beckett. Just go away.” Esther responds, almost sad, broken.

“You don’t want me to go, Esther. I know that.”

“You don’t know anything, Beckett. Leave, please!” Esther shouts.

Beckett sighs and leans his back against the door, slowly slide down the door and put his arms around his knees. “Even if you hate it, I won’t leave.”

“Beckett please…” she sobs. “Go away! I am a monster!”

“Esther, you are not a monster. What happened to Atlas is not your fault.”

“I hate to bring it to you, Beckett, but it is. I used that blood magick, I was the one losing the control. I killed my own sister.”

“Esther, that you lose control of your magick is not your fault. It might have never happened before, but it is because the balance is out of control, it is because there was never a person who has an attunement to each element. Everyone is attuned to one major attunement but sometimes have two. But you have all the elements which brought you to this. It is not your fault, Esther.”

“But I am the way I am right now, Beckett. I don’t have myself under control, and until this is solved, stay away from me.” Esther orders.

“Baby…” Beckett begs.

“Leave, okay? I will just hurt you, just like I hurt my own sister.” Esther cries.

Beckett heart breaks. All he wants to do is take her into his arms, making sure she knows she is not alone, that he is not afraid nor staying away, but at the same time he respects her decision. As painful as it might be, he has to respect it.

“Esther… Just know that you are not alone.” Beckett tries one last time, standing up and has his hand on her door. “I am here, and I am not afraid.”

“Go… away…!” Esther’s voice breaks.

Beckett sighs and walks away, leaving her alone, reluctantly. When he returns to the living room all eyes dart to him and instantly know, Esther doesn’t want to see anyone.

“It scared her so much that she does not want to see anyone, not even me.” Beckett sits down onto the couch, next to Shreya. “It pains me to see her like this. I love her and I can’t help her, which makes me feel so useless.” Beckett sighs and buries his face in his hands, leaning his elbows on his legs.

“I really don’t know what to do. This goes on for weeks, and Esther doesn’t deserve this.” Zeph explains.

“Neither do I. I think at the moment we all feel useless,” Shreya admits, leaning back and looking at the ceiling.

“There has to be something we can do.” Griffin wonders angrily.

“We have to respect she wants to be alone, but I won’t give her up,” Beckett says, standing up. “Do you have paper and a pen?”

“Sure, in the drawer of that desk.” Shreya points at a desk in the corner of the room. They don’t really know why there is a desk in the first place, but Shreya stopped wondering at Penderghast.

Beckett sits down at the desk, starting to write. “I will tell her every day that she is not alone, that I am not afraid. That I love her and won’t give her up.”

Shreya, Griffin and Zeph smile at him, seeing this rather affectional side of Beckett is something new, but they all like it.

Beckett senses that they stare at him and blushes, trying to ignore their stare.

“She will appreciate that, Beckett.” Griffin smiles, I hope we can sign that paper and leave our own message?”

“Of course, I think she loved to hear it.” Beckett smiles and finishes writing this small but effective note for Esther. Shreya, Griffin and Zeph leave their message to before Beckett slides the letter underneath Esther’s door. “I know you do not want to see us, but at least read those messages, it will hopefully cheer you up.”

 

When Esther heard him leaving, she stood up and took the letter with Beckett’s handwriting “For Esther, please read it.” Esther walked over to her bed, sitting down not leaving her gaze from the letter in her hands. It pains her to not be outside with her friends. She needs that time with friends, to be fully happy to see the meaning of life. But her fear of hurting them, just like the hurt Atlas, hovers over the wish to go out.

She carefully opens the message and looks at it and starts to read it.

 

_I figured you would ignore the messages on your phone, not open them, but at least I hope you’ll at least read this. We are all so worried about you, everyone and each of us. Esther, you are the sunshine in our friend group, something we need to be fully happy, and I know it is not just us feeling like this. And Shreya, Griffin and Zeph miss you, but I miss you the most. I miss having you in my arms, I miss your lips, your sensitive touch, your warmth. I miss your jokes during class or the way you can calm me down when I feel like I can’t step into the footsteps of my sister. You are the rock I need, and now, seeing you like this, it breaks my heart. I just want to take your in my arms, making sure that you are okay, even though I know that you do not want it, but I know you don’t hurt us intentionally. It was just because you have problems with your magick. Esther, please come back. Come out, no one is mad with you, not even Atlas, I am sure of it. I love you, Esther. And I won’t give you up, I will read every book I have to read to help you, I promise._   
_\- Beckett_

_I did not want to read all that Beckett wrote, but I am sure he is right. We are here for you, Esther. Every step of the way. You are not alone, and we miss you. I miss you._   
_\- Griffin_

_I need my_ sun _back. I mean who else understands my joke beside you? Beckett just looks at me, like I came from another planet, Shreya rolls her eyes and let’s not start with Griffin. I miss joking with you, laughing about my terrible jokes._  
 _\- Zeph_

_Just this morning I wondered what I could wear, but I had to find a solution on my own because I could not come to you because I know you want to stay away from us. But I miss talking about fashion with you. Please, let us back into your life._   
_\- Shreya_

 

Esther let the tears fall down her cheeks fully now. She knows that her friends love her endlessly, but she never knew how big of an effect she had in their lives. But even though, she misses them, and they obviously miss her, she can’t take the risk, going out there, and be the reason why they could get hurt. Not until she has her power under control.

 

After this went on for three more weeks, Professor Kontos and Swan could not just look at how Esther isolated herself and torture herself with the thought she is a monster. They both walk over to Esther’s dorm. “Where is her room?” Kontos asks Shreya.

“Down the hall, you can see the door because it is the one door with the sign ‘Don’t come near.’ on it,” Shreya explains with a hint of sadness. Beckett was keeping his promise, every day he sends her a letter, sliding it through her door, sometimes he leaves a flower, but she never picks it up. It’s like she is afraid to open the door, as if, she opens the door and she instantly loses control. Which is nonsense, but how can Beckett make her see that.

“Esther? Here is professor Kontos and Swan, please let us in.” they look at each other, hoping she will open the door, but at first nothing happens.

“Esther, I am Blood attuned, I can handle your attacks, in case they will occur which I doubt,” Swan explains.

Shreya and Beckett watch expectantly at them, but keeping a distance, not to scare Esther of if she will open the door.

Suddenly, they hear the lock and the door opens lightly revealing a pale, visible tired Esther, who looks different.

Kontos and Swan walk into her room, but before Beckett and Shreya could come near her, she closes the door again and locks it.

Beckett and Shreya sigh but reluctantly leave again and sit in the living room hoping they can persuade Esther, to be herself again.

 

After a while Kontos comes out but is not talking to anyone, he leaves the dorm without a word. Swan instead, is still in the room. Beckett and Shreya get worried, what is happening?

Only a few minutes later Kontos returns with … Atlas?! Beckett and Shreya can’t believe it. They were able to bring her back to life; it is like nothing has happened.

Beckett and Shreya are in awe. Atlas nods to them and follows Kontos to Esther’s room. When Swan opens the door, Atlas and Kontos disappear into the room, and silence breaks through the dorm again, all Shreya and Beckett can do are, wait… whatever plan Kontos and Swan have.

 

“Atlas…?” Esther takes a step back, hugs herself, holding her arms close to her, not daring to walk over to Atlas.

“Esther, what are you doing?” Atlas takes a step towards her, but Esther takes a step back. “Don’t come closer… I don’t want to hurt you again.”

“Esther… What happened is not your fault. I have lost my control too!”

“But you did not hurt me that I had to fight for my life! You used normal attunements, while I almost killed my own twin!!” Esther strokes through her hair, and her breathing increases. Kontos and Swan see she is close to hyperventilating.

Atlas holds them back and walks over to Esther, cupping her face making her look at her. “I am okay, Esther. I am Blood Attuned. Remember what we can do? We can heal ourselves with time. Look at Professor Swan, you cannot see what happened.”

“I hurt you, Atlas. I hurt you.” She cries out closing her eyes, sobbing.

Atlas wishes away the tears, but new fall down instantly. “Esther, it is not your fault. I brought that anger on you, I didn’t listen to you when you said that I shall stop because you fear to lose control.”

Esther opens her eyes, looking with teary eyes at her sister. “I am just so sorry. I almost had your life on my plate…”

“And I know that you did not mean this to happen. It was out of your control.” Atlas strokes her sister’s cheek. Usually, she hates being so affectional but right now, she sees her sister needs it.

“I am so sorry,” Esther says collapsing to the floor, grabbing Atlas shirt, and Atlas takes Esther into her arms, holding her close.

Professor Swan and Kontos look at the sisters in front of them. “You have to work together from now on. We will be there, controlling your magick, Alma will help you as well. Esther, we will make this work. We can find a way.”

Esther nods, not letting go of her twin. “I just feel so terrible, I am afraid I hurt more, and then it is incurable.

“We will be there every step of the way. You are free from courses from now, everything you two will do is learning about your powers. When you have arguments with friends, leave the room and hide. It’s all you can do, but still don’t forget to live, Esther.” Professor Swan explains.

Esther nods, and strokes away some tears, taking a deep breath.

“I think there are some people outside who want to speak with you.” Atlas breaks the silence.

“I want to speak with Beckett first,” Esther says fumbling with the sleeves of her pullover.

Atlas nods and stands up. “I bring you out, Professors, and thank you,” Atlas says whereas Esther nods, showing them; she is grateful too.

“Of course, and if something is wrong. Come to us, Esther. Don’t hide again. The same goes for you, Atlas. You are not alone in this. We are here to help.” Professor Swan says.

“And I am sure there are more who just want to help.” Professor Kontos adds.

 

While Atlas brings Kontos and Swan to the door, she turns to Beckett. “Someone wants to speak with you.” she nods towards Esther’s door.

Beckett instantly stands up afraid, she might change her mind, or this is just a dream. When Beckett opens her door, she sits on her bed, looking up at Beckett. She stands up and walks over crashing her body on hers, putting her hands around him, inhaling his familiar scent. Oh, how much she missed this. Beckett immediately embraces her and holds her close, inhaling her magnolia scent.

“I am so sorry, Beckett. I was just so afraid that I might hurt you too.” Esther murmurs into his shirt.

“I know. I know, Esther. I am glad to have you back.” Beckett kisses her head.

She looks up to him, into his blue eyes, taking in his appearance. “For the future, there are some rules,” Esther admits, stroking his cheek.

“Of course, name them.” Beckett strokes her hair behind her ear.

“When I say, Beckett go out, or Beckett leave now, you have to leave without questioning. I can’t risk hurting you with Blood Magick. Compared to Atlas, you can heal yourself.” Esther, play with Beckett’s jacket.

“Note, as soon as you say I shall leave, I follow that order.” Beckett kisses her forehead. “And promise me one thing too okay?”

Esther nods. “What is it?”

“Never isolate yourself again, nor push me away,” Beckett says.

“I promise.” Esther answers. “Beckett?”

“Mh?” Beckett looks at the girl in front of him, holding her in his arms.

“Can you maybe stay the night here? I don’t want to be alone…”

“Of course, I will stay.” Beckett cups her face. “I will just leave when you say it.”

“I love you, Beckett,” Esther says almost above a whisper.

“I love you too, Esther. More than I ever imagined.” Beckett gives her a small kiss and reluctantly pulls away. “There are more who want to see you.”

“Yes, they deserve it too and need to know the rule too.” Esther smiles and together hand in hand they walk out to the rest of the friends, waiting impatiently for Esther.


End file.
